I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
my being single is dangerous.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
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