I just saw a hot homeless man
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Randomize
