College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
Randomize
