question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
