he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
