I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
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