So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
