He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Randomize