Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
