My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
