jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
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