idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Randomize
