my room smells like sperm. sweet.
We named our party play list daddy issues
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
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