Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
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