When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Randomize
