Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
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