I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
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