my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
Randomize
