I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
Life is so much better after having sex.
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
Randomize