I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
Randomize
