After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
I'm sobbing to NWA
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Randomize
