I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
Send help, water and tortillas.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Randomize
