Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
Randomize
