What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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