I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
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