so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
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