My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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