so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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