Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
Randomize