so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
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