Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
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