Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
Randomize
