So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
I understand Curling. That high.
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
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