But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
Randomize
