found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
Randomize
