There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Randomize