Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
You dont lie about slip and slides
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
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