she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Randomize
