i don't plan on having that self control this summer
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
