what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
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