I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
Randomize
