You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
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