I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Randomize
