I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
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