I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
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