My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
Randomize
