Is it normal to miss your booty call?
So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
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