why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
Randomize
