gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
