I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
