i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
