I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
Randomize
