Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
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