Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize