it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
Randomize
