I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
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