Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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