He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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