So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
