I accidentally had phone sex last night
He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
Randomize
