There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Randomize
