My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
Randomize
