someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
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