Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
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