Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
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