Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
Randomize
