I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
