And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
Randomize
