I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
