does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Randomize